I'm done. I'm done with almost everyone. I'm tired of the same conversations, over and over and over again so that we never get anywhere. I'm done with college educated people, white people, people with jobs, cisgender men, gamers, television watchers, the middle class, able bodied people, mentally well people, people under 30...
I'm just done. I'm tired of all of your bullshit. I can trust maybe a handful of people, and I just yelled at someone else. Either you care and you clean up your shit or I have no fucking use for you. I'm tired of talking about lived experience only to have people ten years younger than I deny it. I'm tired of talking from a place of deep soul crushing unending poverty only to have people who don't fucking experience it talk over me, take what I have to say to raise their own profiles while cutting me dead from their comfortable lives. I am sick and fucking tired of having to point out ableism, racism, sexism, and I'm not talking about the few of you I never held to this standard, I'm talking about those of you who claim to be allies, yeah I actually expect you to do it all.
I'm tired of seeing the same voices centered, over and over and fucking over and most of those people need to SHUT THE FUCK UP for about a year so the rest of us can be heard, but that's not ever going to happen, so in the mean time, I hope I just don't see those names because it makes me want to punch the fuck out of them. I'm done with the men who claim to be allies turning everything into their personal therapy session, or learning session, or just using social justice to center themselves. I miss spaces where women were allowed to talk without that, where did they all go? When did it become acceptable for allies to run every conversation?
Most of all, I'm tired of talking and talking without being heard, or when I am, not credited for the work I put in. You have no idea how many times I've screamed in frustration to see something I put in writing attributed to "someone" when that someone was me, all the person had to do was scroll up and look at the name, type that name in. Everyone else got credit, I never did. I don't fucking work for free, though you'd never know it the way the middle class has been stealing my physical, emotional, and mental labor for decades.
It is killing me to not be able to write or speak, to only have a few people I trust. You have no idea what is taken away from me when I see my work stolen, appropriated, used as grist for the popular people to raise their profiles and leverage that popularity into things like book deals. I live in obscurity, poverty, and squalor, and all I've ever wanted was to talk and be HEARD. The ONLY time I've ever asked for anything more was in dire circumstances, because despite my need I have wanted neither charity nor pity, just a voice. I will not stand for that voice being stolen, I would rather remain silent.
This is, unfortunately, not a prelude to me starting a career in writing professionally, where I might be compensated for my mind. I am not one of the privileged who are allowed to profit from their intellectual effort. This is merely me withdrawing my consent and my participation in the process by which my voice is stolen or denied. Previous posts will no longer be available, and I hope that I do not have occasion to visit any of your spaces to speak to most of you again. I would say it has been fun, but truly, my stint in the commentariate of various social justice blogs has been anything but. From the bottom of my heart, I hope most of you fucking intellectual thieves rot in hell.
